A Mentor's Lament...

Mentoring is something I have done over the years in many forms or fashions and my intent mostly is to reach youngsters in those ages before they are mired down in who they are. When they are still teachable spirits. However, as an author who always has a message attached to her work, I am often reached out to and asked to assist in some way...

I will be frank, that almost never works. I have found in my experience and that is the only experience I have is that when someone who is already of age and has had a broad range of experiences, reaches out, it isnt necessarily to be assisted or mentored as such but sometimes they want someone to vent to. More often they want agreement, acceptance or cosignment of what they have already decided is right. That cannot work on any level because the moment you do that you stop being a a mentor, et al and you become an enabler.

To properly mentor one must have an unbiased eye of what is going on and be as plainspoken and honest as one can without adding futher damage. Also one must say, there is only so much I can do and tell the person they may need to seek assistance from someone more qualified.

I have had this occur only a few times but it becomes spiritually exhausting when you have become an enabling cosigner rather than a help. At the gate I have usually known that I had nothing real to add because where the person was overreached my abilities but I chose for whatever reason not to say that. One of the reasons is genuinely liking the person. However that is when it is so important to say, "I cannot mentor, etc. but I can listen if you just want to talk."

Everytime,  I have failed to follow my gut it has ended badly. I own that because I should have know better or have removed myself before it just flambeued. But being human and a bit of a fixer in the three cases I remember I didnt do that and it ended as I knew it would.

God calls us to do many things but he does not call us to do everything or those things that he signals us with gut reactions to leave alone. Knowing what we cannot offer is as helpful as knowing what you can and knowing when to bow out before it flames out will save much angst and spiritual exhaustion. Saying NO, I am unable to is simply the best thing we can do for others sometimes...
and ourselves.


JUST LOVE,
angelia

HOW BEING BROKEN SAVED ME: A Mini Memoir
Coming in September