A Mentor's Lament...

Mentoring is something I have done over the years in many forms or fashions and my intent mostly is to reach youngsters in those ages before they are mired down in who they are. When they are still teachable spirits. However, as an author who always has a message attached to her work, I am often reached out to and asked to assist in some way...

I will be frank, that almost never works. I have found in my experience and that is the only experience I have is that when someone who is already of age and has had a broad range of experiences, reaches out, it isnt necessarily to be assisted or mentored as such but sometimes they want someone to vent to. More often they want agreement, acceptance or cosignment of what they have already decided is right. That cannot work on any level because the moment you do that you stop being a a mentor, et al and you become an enabler.

To properly mentor one must have an unbiased eye of what is going on and be as plainspoken and honest as one can without adding futher damage. Also one must say, there is only so much I can do and tell the person they may need to seek assistance from someone more qualified.

I have had this occur only a few times but it becomes spiritually exhausting when you have become an enabling cosigner rather than a help. At the gate I have usually known that I had nothing real to add because where the person was overreached my abilities but I chose for whatever reason not to say that. One of the reasons is genuinely liking the person. However that is when it is so important to say, "I cannot mentor, etc. but I can listen if you just want to talk."

Everytime,  I have failed to follow my gut it has ended badly. I own that because I should have know better or have removed myself before it just flambeued. But being human and a bit of a fixer in the three cases I remember I didnt do that and it ended as I knew it would.

God calls us to do many things but he does not call us to do everything or those things that he signals us with gut reactions to leave alone. Knowing what we cannot offer is as helpful as knowing what you can and knowing when to bow out before it flames out will save much angst and spiritual exhaustion. Saying NO, I am unable to is simply the best thing we can do for others sometimes...
and ourselves.


JUST LOVE,
angelia

HOW BEING BROKEN SAVED ME: A Mini Memoir
Coming in September

Overcomers...

What does it mean to overcome...

Is it simply getting over what we have been through?

I dont think so, I am almost certain that overcoming involves not only getting over it, because getting over something can simply mean that the day in which it occurs has passed and we are still standing...

Overcoming to me means not only getting through it and over it but learning something from it and being willing to share it with others who may be on the same mission...

There were times in the past when someone would share something with me and I would be unable to say, "I went through that also." But God removed that from me. Now I can say, I lived in an abusive household, I know exactly how it feels for an elder to take an advantage of a situation because they knew you loved them and was so confused about what they did meant and would never tell. I suffered from the, IF I HIDE IT FROM THE WORLD and LOOK OKAY IT WILL BE OKAY SYNDROME...

Many of us suffer from it and it manifests in different ways, If we are a hundred pounds overweight and there is no true medical reason for it, we are suffering. That is about more than loving good food. I once had a friend who was close to four hundred pounds. I could not stand to see her eat. One day she told me that her mother's husband had molested her and she figured if she got fat enough no one would ever do that again. I know from whence she spoke because food covered a lot of pain in my life. I have never been that big but have carried between 20 and 50 pounds more than I needed to most of my adult life.

It can also manifiest in a distrust of others, a sharp tongue and scathing attitude or the reverse. At any rate until we start to deall with those core issues, those things that have made us sad, mad or fat... we will never overcome...

I am in a season of trying my hand at really overcoming and not going through the motions of it and not doing it to the extent that it will make those in my life feel better... It is deeper than all that. Overcoming is real work.

JUST LOVE!

angelia

HOW BEING BROKEN SAVED ME: A Mini Memoir! Coming Soon!